Saturday, May 14, 2011

Writers of fiction and venttiloquists

I draw the connection between writers of fiction and ventriloquists because I believe both do what they do for a similar reason. Both get to say and do things through their characters that they would be unlikely to say or do in their real life.
The thought crossed my mind when listen to Bob Edwards of NPR talk with Mark Goffman, about his documentary DUMBSTRUCK, which is about the trials and tribulation of 5 ventriloquists.
During the interview, it was said ventriloquists say things through their puppets they wouldn't have the nerve to say without their puppets. I think this is true for many writers.
Cases in point, my vampire novels, The Dancing Valkyrie and The Vampire Valkyrie, and especially in my novella, The Confession of an Online Male Prostitute.
Over the years I have come to wonder about how most people have no problem reading a book or watching a movie that has graphic scenes of violence and murder. No problem. They don't become disgusted. But tell a story in print or on film that has graphic scenes of gay and lesbian sex and many say, "I can't read or watch that filth."
It doesn't stop there with declarations of disgust. While few if any wonder if you might be a murder because you write about murders, many will question your sexual orientation if you write about gays or lesbians in graphic detail.
Does it matter to me what people think of me because of what I write? My honest answer is both yes and no.
It matters primarily because I don't believe it should matter. To me, it would make more sense to worry about any potential I might have to be a murderer than it would make sense to wonder if I might be gay.
It doesn't matter because I deeply believe all of us have within us the potential to be all things we would like to be and all things we hope we will never be. You know the phrase - "There but for the grace of God go I."
While I guess I'm safe writing about vampires because we all know vampires don't really exist - we hope. But when it comes to gays and lesbians, we know they do exists. So why take the chance and write about them with explicit scenes of them having sex? Simply put: all sex is fantasy.
It has been said and I believe it is true that the main sexual organ is the brain. It can imagine anything. Obviously, you can imagine vampires which don't exist. Why the fear in imagining what two men or two women can and do do in a sexual situation? What they do is basically what men and women do when the clothes come off and they are alone together. If the brain doesn't put up any stumbling blocks for the body to respond, the body will simply respond to the touch of another person, be that person of the opposite sex or the same sex.
If we can understand this and can appreciate the very basic human need to be close to another human being, we can begin to understand the why and the how of two men or two women engaging in sexual intimacy.
I have known at least one man, maybe more without my knowledge, who wanted to be intimate with me. The one I know for certain was one whom I loved in a platonic way but rejected at the sexual level. Because I rejected him and thus hurt him, I felt somewhat guilty over having hurt someone who loved me and whom I loved. Was I wrong to reject the desires of his love? I think not. It would have been wrong to pretend to feel what I didn't feel. But that is the nature of intimacy. You can't fake it. If you try, you do so at risk to yourself and the other. It's either there or it isn't. It is for this reason I believe it is wrong to act with disgust towards those who find the intimacy we all need but find it with a person of the same sex. It is for this reason that I write about people, humans and vampires, who find sexual intimacy with someone of the same sex. I guess I just want to experience what I can't experience in my personal life and rejected when the opportunity was there many years ago.

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